Saturday, May 12, 2012

Happy un-Mother's day

I know it's not quite Mother's Day yet, about five hours to go here in Oregon, but it's Mother's Day somewhere, and you may have noticed that the mania started early. Advertisements for gifts for Mom, friends planning Mother's Day activities, radio shows playing mother-centric songs--it's everywhere. Even on Facebook, it's Mom, Mom, Mom.
It occurred to me as I was walking my dog through the woods a little while ago, that there's nothing out there in nature to make us feel bad about not having children. The trees don't care. The squirrels aren't running around buying gifts for their mothers. The mama robins aren't stressing out over whether they'll get presents tomorrow. Just get away from the media, and you'll be fine.

I went to a post-wedding shower this afternoon. It was lovely, high tea elegantly served in a beautiful house, followed by gifts and wedding pictures. Everybody else there except the new bride is not only a wife but a mother, and the bride is actively trying to get pregnant. I felt a bit like a purple goose in a field full of white ones. But that's okay. We must learn to be proud of our purpleness. God made us purple for a reason.

I ran across a great column at Salon.com by Anne Lamott called "Why I Hate Mother's Day." You might want to read it. Anne is a mother, but she gets how we feel.

My own un-Mother's Day gift to you is the release of Childless by Marriage, the Kindle ebook. Click here to buy it for only $2.99. Cheaper than the cocktail you might get to wash your troubles away.

Try not to feel sorry for yourself today or to dishonor the mothers in your life just because of your own lack of children. Go do something you enjoy. The day will pass and you can forget about it for another year.

1 comment:

Professor said...

First of all, WOW! Awesome article by Anne Lamott. Thanks for sharing.

Secondly, I feel your pain about the wedding shower. I cantered a wedding at my church recently, and was inflamed by the priest's homily, which made the most important part of being "husband and wife" the fact that they would soon become "father and mother." Though it is probably true for this young couple, I was so angry that this "parenthood" concept was very nearly the only value our priest could stress about their new marriage. "What if she can't have babies??" I kept shouting in my mind. "Does God see no value in their marriage if they never become 'father and mother'??"

But I also echo your sentiment about nature - that's why I have a farm. There is always a piece of God's creation to tend to, to help grow, or to take in and appreciate, whether it came from our bodies or not. That's what's really important, I think. That's the true value of a loving life, no?

Can't wait to read your book!!