Is Childless by Marriage just for
women? No, definitely not. Sometimes it seems as if this is an all-girls site,
but I welcome men as well as women. Both men and women struggle with the same
issues about children. One wants them and the other doesn’t. One can’t have
them, and the other can’t imagine life without them. The relationship, the
engagement, or the marriage is in danger. Should they go? Should they stay?
Sometimes I wish we were back in the olden days when everybody who got married
had kids, and if they didn’t want children, they didn’t get married.
Of course men are not the ones who
get pregnant, and they are not the ones whose fertility ends in their 40s, so
that part is different, but their comments sound pretty similar to the ones I
get from women.
Let me share a few of the men’s
comments I have received lately. I encourage you readers to respond to each
other. I don’t have all the words of wisdom. You can find all of these comments
under the post, If You Disagree About Children, is Your Relationship Doomed?
Anonymous said...
Hello, I don't know if this post is
strictly for women but I'm a 37 year old male with 45 year old gf. We've been
friends since I was 27 but began dating at 30. I've never been married and I
have no kids, she has been married and has 2 kids which both are now married.
She has 2 grandkids, a 2 year old and a newborn. I didn't begin to think about
kids until her first grandson was born but she was 42 at the time. Now at 45 it
would be a high risk. Friends and co workers around us are having kids left and
right and I can't deny that it is eating me inside. She said that it's written
all over my face when we see a baby and or her grandkids. She wants me to be
happy and is willing to sacrifice by losing me, I just don't know if I'm
willing to lose her for the chance of having a child. Any thoughts greatly
appreciated.
Anonymous:
Hi,
My wife is leaving me because I don't want a second child and it's killing me.
I feel I am being punished for that decision. She says she always wanted two
but she never talked to me about it, so now I face becoming a part time dad and
I don't know what to do .
Anonymous said...
Hello everyone, I am going through a
terrible situation with my girlfriend. We have been together for 7 years now.
We are both immigrants (she is from Russia and I am from Brazil) who live in
Los Angeles. I am 32 and she is 35. Her mother passed away in 2010 due to a
brain tumor. Since then she has become addicted to the idea of having a child.
At the moment I do not feel that crazy desire to be a father. I moved to the
U.S. kind of late in life at 25 and I am just now transferring to a four-year
university to get a degree in business. I have a degree in Physical Education
from Brazil, but the hassle to get it validated here was so time consuming that
I decided to do something else. I am also not happy with my career because my
work is unstable and the pay is very low. On the other hand, she moved here
when she was 13 and had her whole education in the U.S. She is very successful
in her career and she is stable financially. Four years ago I asked her to help
me to pay for school so I could finish faster but she said she was not
interested to spend her money like that.
It made me concerned because if she
wants a family with me, how is going to be when the kid arrives? I have no
financial means to provide for a kid. Not even half of the bills for a child.
It really scares me that I may find myself in a situation where I won't be able
to support my son/daughter. I am feeling terrible because I cannot make her
happy. I can see that she resents me because she picks up fights all the time
for silly reasons. The other night she said that is better for us to go apart.
I just cried for the whole day and I am feeling lonely and worthless. It kills
me that I am not enough for her and that I cannot make her happy. She said that
she wants me to be a stay in dad, but I am very independent and I believe that
I must have a career. It would be better for both of us if I have one. I fear
that once the baby arrives she will just break up with me and leave in a
difficult situation. I would not be able to abandon a child.
I moved here on my own and I have no
family in the states. Our relationship was one of the main reasons that made me
stay in the country. I also understand that she is coming close to 40 and that
it might become harder to become pregnant, but she does not want to wait any
longer. Am I being a jerk or too selfish? It is just killing me that the whole
focus of my adult life is coming to an end. I just want her to be happy and she
deserves all the best. It just hurts that I am not good enough. I believe that
the best should be to leave her alone and not interfere on her life. I want her
dreams to come true. I wish I could have a normal job so I could help and give
her what she wants. I struggled financially since I got here. It took me 7
years to get a green card and now (after 9 years) things are getting better. I
just don’t want to struggle right now and I want to get my college degree before
a kid. What should I do?
***
Well, dear readers, what do you think? I welcome your comments.
