I was blow-drying my hair this morning when my mind conjured
up a fantasy: My doorbell rings. I open the door to my daughter, son-in-law and
grandchildren saying, “Hi, Mom” and “Merry Christmas, Grandma.” Their arms are
full of gifts and contributions to the dinner I will be serving at my dining
room table on the good china. I can smell the turkey baking, the meat and
butter mingling with sage and rosemary. The Christmas tree lights glow red,
green, yellow and blue, and Bing Crosby sings “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” on
the stereo. Soon my son will arrive with his kids.
Nice, huh? Oh well. I had a taste of this when my husband
was alive, and we still lived close to his kids. Of course, we had to share the
kids and grandkids with Fred’s ex-wife, but it was something. Now it’s just me and
my dog Annie. Nobody is coming.
Am I trying to make you all feel bad? No. I’m saying we
all have fantasies, fed by what we see other people doing as well as what we
see on TV. And yes, it's hard to be alone. It hurts to see everybody else with their children and know we might never have any of our own. It takes a major act of will to set those aside and enjoy the
holidays that we have, however we celebrate them. But we can do it.
I got a major wake-up call this last week after several days
of moping. I wrote about it at my Unleashed in Oregon blog, which begins:
“I was going to write a whiny post about not having any
Christmas presents. It would start, “The only gifts for me under my Christmas
tree are the ones I bought and wrapped for myself.” I would explain that the main
gift-givers in my family have all died, my remaining family lives far away, I
have no kids, the younger folks in my family don’t seem moved to send presents
to good old Aunt Sue, my friends are all traveling this Christmas, etc. Woe is
me. While that’s all true, I have realized I’m an idiot.” [click here to read the rest]
The idea is that I don’t have the traditional Christmas, but
I do have a LOT to be thankful for, so I need to quit whining and enjoy what I
have.
A Facebook friend suggested something we can do for the new
year. Find a big jar. Decorate it if you want to. Every day write on a slip of
paper something good that happened that day and put it in the jar. When you’re
feeling bad, you can go back to that jar and remember the things that made you
happy. It doesn’t have to be anything earth-shaking, maybe just something that
you made you smile, a hug, a cookie, a joke, a special moment, a new pair of shoes, the moon, a walk
on the beach, a cuddle with the dog . . . I’m going to do it. Will you join me?
This Christmas, I wish you all a holiday full of peace,
love, and acceptance. I love you all for sticking with me here at Childless by
Marriage and look forward to visiting with you in 2015 (next week!).
How are you doing this holiday? Please share in the comments.
