Is it still a family without kids?

Yesterday as I looked out at the falling snow and had only the dog to tell about it, I got to thinking that I have done pretty well with the career side of my life and with my own personal growth, but have totally failed at the family side. Here I am in my late 50s with no kids, no grandkids, and no husband, just a dog. What's left of my birth family is far away. Sure, I have lots of friends, but it's not the same. When you grow up, get married and have kids, it's not just about finding a man or giving birth; it's about creating a family. Which apparently I did not do. Or maybe I was just unlucky to lose two husbands, one through divorce, and one through death.

This is so depressing I probably should delete it, but let's talk about what makes a family. We all know that "family" is a code word for children. When the church holds a "family Halloween party," I know it's going to be all about kids. Sure, it's politically correct to talk about all kinds of formations: two moms and a child, a dad and a child, a childless couple with three cats, etc. But that's not what most people mean by "family."

What really makes a family? I think it's a group of people you can count on and feel completely at home with because you're all woven from the same cloth. You usually share a history, culture, beliefs and biology, but maybe you can make a family without the biology part.

My dictionary's first definition of family says it's "a group of individuals living under one roof." That's pretty broad. Another definition talks about people or animals "deriving from common stock." Hmm.

What do you think? What is a family? If you don't have children, how do you create one? I'd love to hear your comments.

Are you a family without kids?

Well, we survived Halloween, when the world is filled with little kids in costumes and a few adults who feel the need to dress up. I stopped in Corvallis that weekend and found myself in the midst of a chamber of commerce event that filled the streets with costumed children and harried parents. I saw spidermen, Lady Gagas, princesses, dogs, a ninja turtle, and more. Part of me was glad I didn't have to deal with the whole thing, but part of me wished I had a little one to dress up and take around the neighborhood.

Our church had a Halloween party that night. The flyers promoted it as a "family" event. I knew from past experience that "family" is code for "kids." All of the activities and refreshments would be designed for people under the age of 12. So I stayed home.

Have you noticed that everything advertised for families is actually geared to people with children? A childless couple apparently is not a complete family. It grates on me sometimes, especially now that I'm a party of one (husband with Alzheimer's in a nursing home, if you haven't been keeping up.)

How many people live in a standard two adult-two kid unit anymore? If they do have children, eventually those children will grow up. The word "family" should include all different configurations of people who love each other, even if none of them are children.

Now we just have to get through Thanksgiving and Christmas. Even if you don't celebrate those holidays, the media has already begun to bombard us with images of happy families that always include children. Look around, folks. We don't all have kids.

How are you dealing with the holidays this year? Are there certain occasions that are especially hard? Do you have advice for those who grieve this time of year?