Childless by circumstance?

In her book What No Baby?, Australian author Leslie Cannold maintains that many women are "childless by circumstance." They wanted to have children, but life worked against them. In today's world, says Cannold, young woman, and also men, are busy getting their educations and building their careers in their most fertile years. They believe that good parents spend time with their children, but if they take that time away from work, they will lose everything they have worked for and never achieve their career goals. Although women are the ones who are usually expected to stay home with the children, men worry about these things, too. In a world where people who work only 40 hours a week are considered slackers, who has time to parent? Although some men are merely selfish, many who decline to become fathers are afraid they won't be able to bear the financial burdens or that they won't be good fathers. If the wife quits to become a full-time mom, will the man be able to support the family alone in today's economy? What if he loses his job? What if they get divorced?

Cannold insists that people who are childless by circumstance, in other words who are not infertile and have not consciously chosen to be childfree, are not childless by choice. She suggests that major changes are needed in society's attitudes and in the workplace to make it possible for people to work and properly care for families, too. Otherwise, the numbers of people who never have children will continue to increase.

What do you think? Does everyone have a choice? Do you?

Can you talk about it?

Tiffany Lee Brown wrote a great article for Oregon Humanities about how her friends and relatives don't seem to want to talk about childlessness. It stops a conversation cold. Meanwhile, they flaunt their babies and children and grandchildren without realizing that it's hard for people who can't have kids to be around them. This is a great piece which you may identify with, especially at this time of year. Try http://www.magdalen.com/2008/11/oregon-humanities-bubble-of-silence.html for more information on how to find a copy.

While we're on the subject of writing about childlessness, I'm currently reading What, No Baby? by Australian author Leslie Cannold. I'll give a fuller report when I'm finished, but this is a good look at women who are childless by circumstance. They grew up thinking they would have children, but ran out of time, picked a man who didn't want children or couldn't figure out how to combine babies with their careers. It's a bit on the scholarly side, footnotes and such, but it's a very good study of exactly the kind of women I'm writing about. We are not infertile and we are not exactly childless by choice. It just happened. For some, it's a tragedy, while for others, it turns out to be a relief. Ask for a Christmas gift certificate to buy a copy.

Enjoy the holidays. No matter what your situation, there's surely something to be glad about. Don't worry about what might be or might have been; just enjoy what is.