Wednesday, June 17, 2015

12 Things Childless by Marriage People Don't Dare Say Out Loud



Political correctness touches all areas of life, including childlessness. Friends and relatives who know we’re touchy about not having kids may struggle to say the “right thing” or avoid the subject altogether. Some just say stupid things that make us want to strike them.“Guess you don’t like kids, huh?” “Lucky you, free to do whatever you want.” “You can always adopt.” “Dump the bum and marry someone else.” “You don’t know; you never had a baby.” Know what I mean?

But there are some things we childless folks also avoid saying, things that we think and feel but don’t dare say out loud because then it would look like we’re selfish, we don’t really want kids, or we’re just nasty, trivial people. Have you ever felt like saying any of these?

* I hate you for having children and grandchildren when I don’t get to have them.

* I hate my husband (wife) for not giving me kids.

* My body looks better than yours, ha ha.

* Thank God we didn’t pass on his nose or my butt.

* I'm glad I don't have to worry about having a child with a birth defect.

* I hate being around whiny kids.

* I have no idea how to take care of a baby.

* Thank God I didn’t have children with HIM.

* My mom had no life; I don't want that.

* I’m terrified of pregnancy and childbirth.

* Sometimes I’m glad I don’t have children.

* My God, that baby is ugly.

I’m sure I will think of more. Can you add some unexpressed thoughts of your own to the list? Please don't anyone take offense. We can be honest here, right? Has anyone not thought some of these things?

27 comments:

Charmaine said...

HaHa! I don't have anything to add I just wanted to let you know I appreciate your humor! We (meaning I) need to laugh about this stuff once in awhile!

Anonymous said...

Sadly what crosses my mind are...

"How on earth did you get to be a mother and I didn't????"

"They don't deserve their children"

"Honestly God... You gave them a child, but not me?????"

Hmmm... Am I still a wee bit resentful..... Yep...... Guess so..... :-(

Sue Fagalde Lick said...

Resentful? Yes, but it's honest. We think it but dare not say it.

Anonymous said...

I love this list!

I recently read a blog post by a woman who was talking about, well, peeing a little when she sneezed, jumped, etc. after having 3 kids. Now every time I encounter a woman with children, especially more than one, all I can think about is whether or not she too has issues with her bladder control. It makes me feel better (and happy not to have that problem) :-)

Anonymous said...

"I could raise those kids so much better than you."

How come any irresponsible and reckless teenager can be a parent, and I can't?!

tired said...

Please stop flooding my fb feed with yet another picture of your "adorable" baby/grandbaby.

Sue Fagalde Lick said...

Hee hee. Keep 'em coming, you guys. I love it.

tired said...

Adding that if I did have little ones I wouldn't also join in on the over posting pictures of them....there is a movement I think out of NY to raise awareness that it's a) not safe to the child & b) when the child is older they could easily resent their parents/grandparents for violating their privacy by oversharing information and pictures of them.

tired said...

Anonymous I am with you on all 3.

Sue Fagalde Lick said...

Tired, you're so right. It probably isn't safe to post the baby pictures. Too many crazies out there. I've got kind of a stalker who has been reading my posts back to when Facebook began. He's probably harmless, but it still makes me nervous. If I had kids, I would definitely worry.

Anonymous said...

My husband has caught me with my nonverbal comments:
1). Rolling of the eyes when I see a mother doting on her baby
2). The wrinkled, snarled look when I have to look at a pregnant women

Anonymous said...

What I think but don't say...

Why is your ex-wife special enough to have children with, but not me?

Sue Fagalde Lick said...

Yes!

Anonymous said...

OMGosh!!! Yes, I've said that one a few (well, ok... More like 100 million) times!!

Anonymous said...

Here is my list of things I think but don't say:

1. Wow, you have aged since having those kids.
2. I look so much better than you.
3. You're husband is going to have an affair if you continue to talk to him like he's one of the kids.
4. Your house smells like a nursing home from all these diapers.
5. Your kids are out-of-control because you don't now how to be a good parent.

Anonymous said...

I catch myself with these same nonverbal comments - thats even worse..

Martin Fazon said...

I never thought of asking this question until now. My goodness, i feel like a loser.

Sue Fagalde Lick said...

Martin, you're not a loser. Just human. Hang in there.

Anonymous said...

Yes! I am so bitter about that! You bred with that crazy manipulative woman but won't with me?!

Bought At A Price said...

What kills me is when I hear moms COMPLAIN about the pains of childrearing....If its really that bad let me have them.

Also recently I had a woman tell me to put things in perspective... at least I didn't have my sister diagnosed with cancer (as hers was and of course both ladies are mother's). That is supposed to help my heart how??? Did I mention my mom has been fighting cancer for 8 years?

There's also the mothers who tell me about how much their children love me or how good I am with kids...seriously that's going to fill one heck of a void in my life!!!

When people want to tell me they know how I feel because they tried for 3 years to have a child before they got pregnant... I just want to punch their teeth out. I'm well past the 3 year mark...10 hrs past it to be exact and the desire is stronger than ever.


Bought At A Price said...

#5 makes me mad...I can't enjoy some of our family's kids because of the lack of parenting. Yet I have to watch them live their life...I even dreamed one night that they asked me to raise their kids...that bothered me because it seemed so twisted.

Sue Fagalde Lick said...

I hear you, Bought at a Price. You can let it all out here. Probably shouldn't punch anybody's teeth out, but sometimes we just want to hit something, right? People not in our situation just don't get it.

Anonymous said...

Exactly this:

'Sadly what crosses my mind are...

"How on earth did you get to be a mother and I didn't????"

"They don't deserve their children"

"Honestly God... You gave them a child, but not me?????"'


Also, 'I get all the hassle of periods, and I don't even get to have kids?'

'I've hit menopause, and I'm still getting bad stomach cramps because I've never had a baby?'

'Whoa! I've to cover classes for someone who's getting her annual holiday entitlement because she was on maternity leave? Seriously? But I've to beg for a day off to visit the doctor with my mother or my husband?'

I'm afraid I actually said this one out loud:

'Your first wife runs off with another man, but I'm hopeless, because I'm slow to organise the dinner? You adopted with that, but you wouldn't with me?'

Anonymous said...

I never wanted to have children because I was never taught the value of having children. Although my parents did a great job and provided a life that I could never complain about, it seemed like doing so entailed a lot of sacrifice and time. Never got the feeling of the reward of the experience.

Anonymous said...

did HE want kids?

why did you bring a kid to the non-G rated movie?

kids at a nice "quiet" restaurant? really?

Sue Fagalde Lick said...

Yes!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this article. I get the opportunity to "help" raise my wife's kids by working in another state while she has them for their summer break... I get lots of nice pictures of how they spend the money I earn.

This has gone on for years, and when my wife is home all she does is stress about her parenting time. Look, I get all that, and I shut up and get out the door to pay for it. It sucks though, and it's no substitute for having kids of our own.

Anyway, this page made me laugh, because I sure have felt like saying some of these things sometimes! Just giving you a guys perspective, I'm 38.