Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Does 'Happy New Year' make you cringe?

It's New Year's Eve. Do the words "Happy New Year" make you happy or make you want to weep and throw things? Was 2014 the year nothing good happened and now you don't have much hope for 2015? I know, holidays are hard. You see everybody else enjoying their families and can't help comparing your situation to theirs. No kids or grandkids, fighting with the husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend, or alone and thinking, "To hell with it. I'll just jump off a bridge."

Apparently that's what was going through the mind of a man who tried to jump off the Yaquina Bridge here in Newport the day after Christmas. The police wrestled him off the outer rail, and he's in the hospital now, but one would suspect he did not have a merry Christmas or look forward to a happy new year. I don't know whether or not he has kids. Apparently, it didn't matter.

I hope none of you are that desperate. If so, do something. Get help or get busy doing something to take your mind off your problems until you can bear them a little better. Go to a movie; don't wait for the DVD. I saw "Wild" the day it came out. It's a fabulous story of a strong woman overcoming her demons, and there's not a baby in it. It's probably playing in your area, too.

A new year is a time to make new plans. Have an honest talk with your partner and decide what to do about babies once and for all. Remember, he or she is not the enemy. Try to see their side. Agree on a plan and then move on.

Hint: Don't start the conversation while a football game is on.

I hope and pray this is the beginning of a wonderful new year for you. Remember, you are not alone. We're here for you.

I'm considering some new features for this blog in the coming year. I welcome your ideas and comments.


SB said...

Hi sue
Thanks so much for your blog I came across it after googling about childlessness. I think you're writing is wonderful. I'm a 36 year old woman in Belfast Ireland in a relationship with a wonderful man in England who has three children from his previous marriage. Ultimately we're talking about me moving over to be with him but he definitely doesn't want more children. Generally I think I could live a very happy life with him but the sorrow of not having children of my own is very evident at times. So hard to decipher all these feelings. Anyway just to thank you so much for your honesty and great blog that seems to connect and help many people. Wishing you joy and happiness. SB.

Sue Fagalde Lick said...

Thank you, SB. I hope you have that happy life. I married a man with three children and it worked. I wish you joy and happiness, too.

Danielle said...

It's hard for me too SB. As you say, it's hard to sort through all of the tough feelings.

Some days I find myself wanting to wallow In self pity and other days I just feel so happy and content. I think that is just the human condition.

Happy New Year to you and Sue!

Anonymous said...

I opened up my "gift cupboard" to see what needs restocking to end up spending the last 3 hrs going through all the baby toddler and kids clothes toys books etc I have accumulated and saved over the years. Very sad to say that i now have "gifts" for each of my friends kids and 2 unborn from new born to age 6. Just when you think you are dealing with infertility it wacks you in the head again.

Sue Fagalde Lick said...

It sure does. Thank you for sharing this, Anonymous.

Anonymous said...

Ugh, your post reminded me of the mother who threw her child off the Yaquina Bridge recently... which to those of us who long for children, just can't fathom. Here's hoping to a new year full of peace for everyone who longs for it.