Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Childless stepmothers offer support

Many of us who are childless by marriage are also stepmothers to children from our husband's previous marriages. It's a difficult role. I have heard about step-relationships that are sweet and wonderful, but most of us find it a bit rocky. You may not get along with the biological mother. The kids may resent you and keep reminding you that "You're not my mother." If you have no children of your own, they are a constant reminder of that fact, plus a lack of experience with kids may make it harder to be an effective parent.

I don't think I did a great job of step-parenting. My husband was a hands-off kind of dad who did not push to spend time with his kids and grandkids. I didn't give much of myself to them either. Now that he's gone, I rarely hear from any of them. If we weren't Facebook friends, I'd have no idea what's going on in their lives.

Speaking of Facebook, I recently stumbled into the Childless Stepmothers Support Group there. Its members share their problems and experiences, along with advice and sympathy.The postings are frequent and fascinating. If you're struggling as a childless stepparent, you might want to do a search for it and join. Only members can see what's posted there.

Also take a look at StepTalk.org, which bills itself as "the place where stepparents come to vent."

Another site to try is StepDivas.com Only stepmothers who don't have biological children are allowed join, and postings are private.


Christine said...

Very helpful post...thank you!!

Christine said...

Just as an FYI, I tried to access the Facebook page you suggested and the StepDivas site. Both are reporting errors so I am not sure if they are still running.

Suelick said...

Christine, thanks for the headsup. It turns out the Facebook group is a "secret" group that won't appear for non-members. I believe that if you get on Facebook and do a search, you will be able to join.

Try http://stepdivas.com. It worked for me.

Suelick said...

I think the link problems are solved now. Sorry for the frustration.

Lily Pad said...

Hi - does anyone know if Stepdivas is live? I tried to join, but still haven't heard anything after a week. Thanks for the info though!

Childless.Stepmother said...

Thanks for this post. I started a blog about this subject and hope to help others in my situation.
I tried Step Divas myself and never heard back. It might be defunct.
The Facebook group is great though!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing this subject. I thought i was alone in this situation and right now, i just need someone to talk to.

Anonymous said...

What do you look under for facebook can't find it. Thanks

Sue Fagalde Lick said...

You should be able to find the Childless Stepmothers Support Group by a search on Facebook. It may be necessary to have an invitation to join. If so, feel free to email me at sufalick@gmail.com with your real email address and I'll get you in.