Friday, July 29, 2011

The road not taken

As I lay awake last night, one thought led to another, and I realized with a shock that the young sons of the man I dated before I met Fred must be in their 30s by now. I was so flabbergasted it woke me up completely. Forget sleeping.

Jason and Jeremy were 5 and 7 in the days when I dated their dad after my first marriage ended. We got along great, and I knew I'd be happy being their stepmother. I also knew that other children would follow because this boyfriend was eager to make babies with me. In fact, yesterday I found a poem I wrote about how I was worried that I might be pregnant out of wedlock. My, how things have changed. I never did get pregnant.

That boyfriend, let's call him Jack, was abusive. When he was in a good mood, things were great, but when he wasn't, look out. It would not have been a good marriage, but I could have had as many babies as I wanted.

Jack and I broke up for a while, and I started dating Gerry. He too was happy to welcome babies,although his crazy theory was: If you get pregnant, we'll get married. When I discovered he was doing drugs, I broke up with him. No babies there. I went back to Jack, but was lucky to escape relatively unscathed.

Then Fred came along. So nice, so kind, so loving. He didn't want to add any more children to the three kids he already had and he had had a vasectomy, but he was just about perfect in every other way. I married him and wound up not having children. Did I make the right decision?

If things had worked out differently, I could have had grown children by now.

Life happens one day, one choice at a time. None of us knows what lies ahead.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Life really is like a "choose your own adventure" book isn't it?

Who knows what might have been but I'm still glad that you had someone to spend many good years with and it's obvious to anyone who reads your blog that you took wonderful care of your husband and truly loved him. Unfortunately that trade off resulted in the loss of a dream for you. Parenting is hard but being a great partner is tough too - consider yourself a winner in that arena! And obviously a wonderful four legged creature caregiver as well.

I keep reading and hoping for wonderful things around the corner for you.

Jen

Suelick said...

Oh, Jen, you're making me weepy. I did truly love Fred, and I'm nuts about my dog. I wish I had had a closer relationship with my stepchildren, but that's a gamble, too.
Good things are beginning to happen for me. Thank you. I hope all is well with you.

Anonymous said...

You did make the right decision Sue.

Anonymous said...

I am making this decision now. My ideal partner had years (and another partner) before me and chose to have a vasectomy. Now I am trying to decide whether to hold on to my perfect loving man, or give up for hypothetical babies. It's very hard and I find great comfort and strength in what you write. Thank you.

Suelick said...

Thank you, Anonymous. I wish none of us had to make this decision. And I wish you all the best as you struggle with your choice.