Friday, November 2, 2007

Sadie's gone

This has to be short or I'll start crying. We had to put our dog to sleep yesterday. Sadie's cancer came out of remission and had reached the point where she was fighting to breathe. It was time to end the suffering. The actual dying was easy, thanks to a kind vet with wonderful shots that gave her her first restful sleep in months. It's a cliche, but she looked so peaceful. The hard part is facing the empty house. I keep thinking I hear her, that I will see her around the corner, that I need to open the door for her. Last night as I started gathering her food, her pills, and her blankets, I realized this has to be what it's like when you lose a child, your only child. Suddenly you don't need all these things, and the center of your existence is gone. Are you still a mother anyway? Am I still a dog mom?
Now all I have to hug is a stuffed bear and a husband who can't stop crying. It's time to share my mothering energy with him. While Sadie was sick, I'm afraid I put her first every time, just as I'm sure I would have done with a child.
We will get another dog eventually, but she--or he--won't be Sadie.

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John said...

I'm sorry to hear about your (recent) loss, losing a friend and companion is always hard no matter if they are human or animal. I hope you have many cherished photos and memories.

Anonymous said...

I know this is a very old post. But I know that awful feeling all too well. I have my 3 little furbabies in my room with me as I seek comfort for my childlessness by reading your blog. Thank you by the way. I hope by now you have more furbabies!!

Sue Fagalde Lick said...

Anonymous, thank you for your kind words. Yes, a few months after Sadie died, we adopted two puppies, Chico and Annie. Gotta have our furbabies.

Anonymous said...

I am 40 and have just gone through a failed IVF. I thought I was coping well until I broke down yesterday after seeing a friends baby. Is this a normal reaction and why did I act like this. I should be happy for my friends in which J ambut why the sadness?