tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4953607740696523736.post4099092630168129610..comments2023-07-21T06:19:27.125-07:00Comments on Childless by Marriage: Why Wouldn’t He/She Want to Have Children?Sue Fagalde Lickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14740379397806418651noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4953607740696523736.post-11928474143977003252016-06-14T16:33:17.498-07:002016-06-14T16:33:17.498-07:00He has a low sex drive, whilst mine is in overdriv...He has a low sex drive, whilst mine is in overdrive. 😟 So as much as he says he wars children, he also refuses to touch me....we could go for months on a dry spell.....I love my husband but I don't know what to do anymore...how can you say you want to be a father and then not want to 'put in the work' to make it happen??Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4953607740696523736.post-65029310889282972982015-07-23T11:11:54.045-07:002015-07-23T11:11:54.045-07:00Anonymous July 22, see Anonymous July 21 and today...Anonymous July 22, see Anonymous July 21 and today's blog post. You are so not alone. I know you're scared and sad, but it can work out. For me, I thought I'd never have children anyway after my first marriage blew up. I was alone, thought I always would be. Then I met my second husband and was so grateful to have him I agreed way too quickly to not having kids. Of course I changed my mind. Hang in there. <br /><br />Anon. July 21 and July 20, thank you so much for sharing this. Virtual applause coming your way. Can you feel it through cyberspace? Sue Fagalde Lickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14740379397806418651noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4953607740696523736.post-37619271289430533592015-07-22T17:49:23.514-07:002015-07-22T17:49:23.514-07:00I feel like I am the only woman in the world who s...I feel like I am the only woman in the world who started out not wanting children, grew to change my mind, and had my husband on several occasions scream at me that I can't change my mind. He expects me to be around and support all of his friends families and everytime, I die a little more inside. I am scared for my future in aging, lonely, and just sad I married someone like this. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4953607740696523736.post-11198407226605446282015-07-21T21:50:18.116-07:002015-07-21T21:50:18.116-07:00I was lucky enough to fall in love in my mid-twent...I was lucky enough to fall in love in my mid-twenties with a man who, like me, was somewhat leaning against having children. I was pretty sure I didn't want children, having had, since childhood, a feeling that motherhood probably wasn't for me. But after we married, I wanted to wait a few years before making a final decision to see if my feelings, or his, would change. They didn't. What happened next was a series of vivid dreams in which I would inexplicably find myself six or seven months pregnant, too late to change my mind, horrified and terrified, and trying desperately to convince myself that having a baby would be okay while knowing it would not. At least twice I woke up clutching my belly. Husband and self are now in our sixties, happily married and childless. I know that by not having children, we gave up some wonderful things. And I know my sisters will have the support of their children as they age, and I won't have that special kind of support. But I remain convinced that I made the right decision for me, and my husband feels the same way. My childhood was happy, my mother is warm and wonderful, and I really can't explain why I knew I didn't want to become a mother while my sisters wanted to be, and are, great mothers. I do know that especially after those dreams, anyone who might have tried to persuade me to have a baby would not have been successful. To the list of reasons why some people don't want children, I'd have to add "Unexplainable but extremely strong gut-level knowledge that having children would be a huge mistake."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4953607740696523736.post-79359952774933226742015-07-20T18:00:14.758-07:002015-07-20T18:00:14.758-07:00I did have children and am happy for it and love t...I did have children and am happy for it and love them to death, but boy was it hard when they were little. And they were little for a long time. And now they are mostly grown and busy. Since I'm divorced, I don't really have that sense of belonging to a family. With the one who's still home, it's mostly "hi mom, bye mom." I'm not even sure my kids will be around to help me if I need help when I'm older. And financially, I don't have enough saved for retirement. Kids are very expensive. I guess I'm saying that life just isn't perfect no matter what path we're on. And with the reality of climate change finally sinking into our collective psyche, I'm not sure I'd make the decision to have kids if I were young now. I'd have to really think about it. NASA's website has useful climate change information. My parallel to your situation is thinking that life would be so much better if I were married. Maybe it would be overall better. Or maybe it wouldn't. Hard to say. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4953607740696523736.post-40203053007528837022015-07-20T12:33:08.358-07:002015-07-20T12:33:08.358-07:00Anon, I'm so glad you had a happy ending. As f...Anon, I'm so glad you had a happy ending. As for your ex, big raspberry. Sue Fagalde Lickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14740379397806418651noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4953607740696523736.post-68298516759440292592015-07-20T12:19:24.429-07:002015-07-20T12:19:24.429-07:00In my fourth year of marriage, during marriage cou...In my fourth year of marriage, during marriage counseling, my husband told me he never wanted me to have children because of my auto immune disease. I divorced him because we had agreed on children, we had picked out names. One unsuccessful relationship after another led to me missing my window. I never did get to have a child. But I have a stepson who lost his mother at a young age. We love each other so much. Jumping in as a parent of a teenager is very hard. But to hear him wish me my first happy mothers day was priceless, absolutely priceless. My ex has been married twice after me and he plans on having children. Sometimes I hate him for what he did to me. But now I have my wonderful stepson who I never would have met if it wasn't for my ex. My husband now is pretty awesome too. I love my boys like crazy. So, happy ending!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4953607740696523736.post-52013313526362451162015-07-20T11:28:54.210-07:002015-07-20T11:28:54.210-07:00Anon, that sounds like a perfect solution. I'm...Anon, that sounds like a perfect solution. I'm happy for you and your husband. Sue Fagalde Lickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14740379397806418651noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4953607740696523736.post-5439041770174464122015-07-20T10:11:39.246-07:002015-07-20T10:11:39.246-07:00He started wanting children, I didn't. After a...He started wanting children, I didn't. After a few years of discussion and serious thinking, I discovered it was the idea of babies and toddlers I hated. I like kids when they are about 6 and up. He didn't care what age or how we got the, he just wanted kids, so we got certified and adopted two little girls from foster care. He got kids, I got to avoid pregnancy and babies and we gave a home to two children.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com