tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4953607740696523736.post3409963164888507653..comments2023-07-21T06:19:27.125-07:00Comments on Childless by Marriage: What if you never find that special someone?Sue Fagalde Lickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14740379397806418651noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4953607740696523736.post-780312480513843812012-08-03T13:43:14.162-07:002012-08-03T13:43:14.162-07:00Anonymouses, (mouses?), this is such a sticky subj...Anonymouses, (mouses?), this is such a sticky subject. If you can find the guy, can you have the kids, too, and if not, what do you do? Sigh. I'll be talking about this in the blog again tomorrow, looking at it from something like Anon S's viewpoint. See you then.Sue Fagalde Lickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14740379397806418651noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4953607740696523736.post-42246250255571355622012-08-03T12:21:36.316-07:002012-08-03T12:21:36.316-07:00I too had thought that way for years. I yearned f...I too had thought that way for years. I yearned for that special someone and really put myself out there to me a variety of men. I had a few long term relationships with men that wanted to have children with me however these were men that I could not see any sort of future with let only choose them as the father of my child. Then, my incredibly awesome husband walked into my life. He is a wonderful, sweet man who is an incredible father to his children. Unfortunately, he came along a bit too late for us to responsibly make babies (We feel I am too old and the risks would be too high). While I am ecstatic to finally have met that special someone, I carry a certain sadness that I will never bear him a child.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4953607740696523736.post-25425116857366307232012-08-03T09:46:57.497-07:002012-08-03T09:46:57.497-07:00I struggle with the "choices" vs. "...I struggle with the "choices" vs. "victim" battle. <br /><br />On one hand I have chosen to stay in a marriage that has been proven, time and again, to be difficult and unsuitable for family life. Looking back I can recognize that I have made decisions, that put me further away from the "safe" family scenerio. Staying in a 10 year marriage because it's finally turned a corner and seems hopeful has been my latest gamble. At this point I almost turn a victim and think, "what else can I do." <br /><br />But I'm smart and reasonable and even I have to admit to myself that I do still have choices. I could leave and find someone else to start a new life with. Someone else who might be more emotionally and financially stable and even if we miss the biological boat then he'd be a better adoptive parent candidate. I mean there are no guarantees I'll find him but I do have that choice.<br /><br />So if I CHOOSE to stay I can hardly be a victim. It's my choice. <br /><br />On the other hand - "what the hell!" Why aren't things working out? Why is God testing me so much? Why did God decide NOW to transform this shabby husband into someone good and wonderful? After years of living on a roller coaster the ride is now smooth sailing. However, I still look like that photo you can buy at the end of the harrowing ride - white knuckles and still hopeful terror written all over my face.<br /><br />What does He (God) want from me? Is this turn of events a reward for the bad years? Or another test to see if I'll stick around only to get shafted again?<br /><br />All around me good things are happening to people I know. Career changes, engagements, babies (ohhh, the younger set in our wide circle of aquaintances are popping like crazy). I find my self to be angry, jealous, envious and mean. Not at all happy for these perfectly nice people who deserve these perfectly nice rites of passage in their lives. <br /><br />I HATE feeling this way. I'm ashamed of my negative inner voice. I don't get it. My life is "okay" now. My husband is perfect, patient and happy to wait for my true forgiveness for his many transgressions. I have good things happening in my career and honestly I don't particularly long for children until someone else announces their news.<br /><br />It suddenly occurred to me that I don't so much long for children as I long to be a child myself. To start over and make better choices so that at 38 I'm not this bag of sorrow who doesn't know how to be truly happy. I still feel like an unsure 20-something. And I'm running out of time and wasting what I've got. A year flies by in an instant and I keep thinking that I have plenty of time to get it together and to heal. I'm finally realizing I don't. I've made myself into a victim and I really, really want to change that.<br /><br />But I'm not sure how. - Anon SAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4953607740696523736.post-38982031319357506252012-08-03T07:35:37.250-07:002012-08-03T07:35:37.250-07:00Thanks Sue for posting the link to that article. I...Thanks Sue for posting the link to that article. I can relate to that a lot. <br />What i don't understand (same thing i don't understand in my own life....) is why she is saying that she "started too late" and in the end of the article, that she "made bad choices" . When she gives us her life story it's just clear she has been let down by the men in her life, even cheated. I just can't manage to see how that is an actively bad choice or if it's just harder to face the fact that yes, we are the victims, of decisions and choices other people made for us, against our will sometimes.Elenanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4953607740696523736.post-28112538576323664362012-08-03T04:10:31.835-07:002012-08-03T04:10:31.835-07:00I bid you greetings from the total invisibility of...I bid you greetings from the total invisibility of the land of " it could be worse. "Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com